L A U G H T E R !
~ what would we do without it?
Most folks have learned by now that laughter has a powerful and positive effect on our immune system. Laughter heals and is one of the best "medicines" we have on earth.
It has also been proven through scientific study that even a mere smile increases the amount of endorphins in the blood stream which helps to ease tensions and reduce stress. The simple act of smiling sends a message of well-being to the brain and instantly makes a person look younger. It's one of the cheapest ways to get a face lift!
So take a look here and hopefully you'll get a chuckle - or at least a smile.
Har Har Har.........
ANOTHER REASON TO JUST "BE YOURSELF"
Jean, a middle-aged woman, had a heart attack and was rushed to the
While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. When she
saw God, she asked if this was the end. God gently said, "No," and
explained to her that she had another 30 or 40 years to live.
Upon her recovery, Jean decided to stay in the hospital and have a face
lift, liposuction, breast augmentation and tummy tuck. She even had
someone come in and change her hair color. She figured that since she
had another 30 or 40 years left, she might as well make the most of it,
and look 19 again.
As soon as Jean walked out of the hospital, she was struck and killed by
a speeding ambulance.
When she arrived in front of God again, she said, "I thought you had
given me another 30 or 40 years!"
"I didn't recognize you," replied God.
Hi, everybody. My name is Bill W., and I'm a heavy thinker.
It started out innocently enough, I suppose. I began to think
socially at parties now and then, just to loosen up. Inevitably
though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it
wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me. After a
while, I couldn't control myself and I began thinking all the time.
I even began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and work don't
mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
Some of my co-workers began to notice
the look of deep concentration on my face, and how they'd always see
me with my nose buried in a philosophy book. I'd disappear during
lunch and head down to the public park, where I'd read a few chapters
of Aristotle, or sometimes I'd just sit there and stare off into the
distance, lost inside my thinking. It was soon pretty clear to
everyone around me that my thinking had gotten out of control. Now
I was thinking most of the day, every day.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and
Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking,
"What exactly are we doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening, after
thinking nearly all day at work, I had turned off the TV and asked my
wife about the meaning of life. She left and spent that night at her mother's.
Before long, I had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day, after I
knew I couldn't hide it any longer, the boss called me into his
He said, "Bill W., I like you , and it hurts me to say this. But your
thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the
job, we'll have to let you go. We just can't run a business here if
our employees are thinking. And sooner or later, someone is going to
get hurt. Get some professional help." This gave me a lot to think
I came home early that day after my conversation with the boss.
"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking." she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, it's not that serious."
"It IS serious," she said, with her lower lip aquiver. "You think as
much as some of those college professors, and college professors don't
make any money! If you don't stop thinking, we won't be able to make
"That's faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and then she began to
cry. She'd had enough, and so had I.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, listening to
a National Public Radio station on the way. I roared into the parking
lot and ran up to the big glass doors ... but they didn't open. The
library was closed. To this day, I believe that God was looking out
for me that night.
As I sank to the ground clawing at those glass doors, whimpering for
some Plato or Socrates, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy
thinking ruining your life?" it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard
Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am
today: a recovering heavy thinker.
I never miss a T-A meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video; last week it was "Porky's Revenge." Then we share experiences
about how we've avoided thinking since last meeting.
I got my old job back, and things are a lot better at home. My wife
and I don't ever talk about those horrible days when I was thinking
all the time. Life just seems ... easier, somehow, now that I've
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're
Caught for speeding
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding,
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the
cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
HOW DO YOU CATCH A UNIQUE RABBIT?
Unique up on it.
HOW DO YOU CATCH A TAME RABBIT?
Tame way, unique up on it.
Andy Rooney on Vegetarians:
"Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word
meaning 'lousy hunter.'"
Andy Rooney On Phone-In-Polls:
You know those shows where people call
in and vote on different issues?
Did you ever notice there's always like
18% that say "I don't know."
It costs 90 cents to call up and vote and
they're voting "I don't know."
Honey, I feel very strongly about this.
Give me the phone. (Says into
phone) "I DON'T KNOW!" (Hangs up
looking proud.) Sometimes you have to
stand up for what you believe you're not
sure about." This guy probably
calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 to say,
I'm not in the mood."
Andy Rooney On Cripes:
My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice
people there. Very wholesome.
They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripe's sake.'
Who would that be?
Jesus Cripe's? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of
'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun
of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
Andy Rooney On Morning Differences:
Men and women are different in the
morning. We men wake up aroused in
the morning. We can't help it. We just wake
up and we want you. And the women
are thinking, 'How can he want me the
way I look in the morning?' It's
because we can't see you. We have no
blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
Andy Rooney On Fabric Softener:
My wife uses fabric softener. I never
knew what that stuff was for.
Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing,
then saying under their breath, Married!"
and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how
our wives mark their territory. We can take
off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh
scent out of your clothes.
THIS is TRUE for February 2003 Copyright 2003 www.thisistrue.com
Travel agencies are reporting that they're getting a
significant number of requests from travelers who want to sightsee in
"Middle Earth" locations such as Mordor and Rivendell. Those are
fictional locations in the "Lord of the Rings" movies. In the films,
Mordor is occupied by forces of darkness; Rivendell is where elves
live. The scenes for those locations were shot in national parks in New
Zealand. (New Zealand Press Association) ...Which information then
leads to the inevitable reply, "New Zealand? Never heard of it."
Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude and Tilly were sitting on a park
bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across
the park.The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and
opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Tillie, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
IF IT FITS, I SITS . . . funny video
"See ya real soon!"